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The following is a transcript of Episode 1: The First! by The Last Podcast On The Left.

This transcript was based on text automatically generated via YouTube's closed captioning system. If you notice any errors, please feel free to correct them.

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00:01

[Music]

00:05

alright we're ready to go here alright

00:08

welcome to the last podcast on the left

00:10

first episode numero uno this is very

00:14

very exciting I am yours truly Benjamin

00:18

Kissel with my co-host the very talented

00:22

Marcus Parkes how you doing Ben I'm

00:25

doing pretty spooky this of course is

00:30

going to be a podcast dedicated to all

00:32

things horror as mr. Marcus Parks and

00:35

myself were abused as children both by

00:39

her parents friends and teachers which

00:42

of course led us to the dark arts that

00:44

is the horror world so as a true fans

00:48

and basically people with nothing else

00:53

to do with our lives no I mean there's a

00:55

big you at least have a girlfriend

00:56

myself I just have a big empty hole

00:58

where well I kind of have a big empty

01:00

hole as well

01:01

aka my girlfriend uh so you know we

01:05

decided to do a horror fan annex do and

01:07

start a podcast to discuss it and as

01:10

they say this will be a very funny

01:11

podcast as well a mr. Hitchcock Alfred

01:16

Hitchcock once said comedy is the no

01:19

horror is the ugly Siamese sister of

01:21

comedy so there are one in the same and

01:24

to start today's podcast off I feel like

01:27

I'm teaching the bible's lesson in a way

01:30

to some degree the complete opposite of

01:33

it yeah some extent it's biblical in a

01:35

way we decided we're going to talk about

01:37

the reasons that we fell in love with

01:38

comedy as I said earlier we were very

01:41

victimized as children which i think is

01:43

I think that's a trend amongst people

01:45

who enjoy horror I absolutely agree

01:48

because I was a child you know who is

01:50

very much bullied and all that stuff and

01:53

whenever you watch those movies I think

01:56

a lot of people would watch watch horror

01:58

movie slasher flicks and they're scared

02:00

and people like you and me watch poor

02:03

movies and slasher flicks and cheer

02:05

cheer and root on the killers which I

02:08

will say terrifies some women on a first

02:11

date

02:12

they they do not understand that you're

02:15

supposed to enjoy the John Rand to me I

02:17

mean I'll take H Ventura pet detective

02:19

and I'll say in on Friday 13th to was

02:22

slightly funnier it really was I mean it

02:25

was incredible and I think that's the

02:27

whole point uh one of my personal

02:29

favorites is Jason Voorhees I was one of

02:32

my favorite slasher killers of all time

02:33

simply because uh Jason is a he's

02:37

forever a victim yeah he's dead boy who

02:40

was drowned by terrible terrible camp

02:43

counselors well he was drowned more it

02:44

was more negligence than it was active

02:47

drowning but I think in law uh in in law

02:52

theory negligence they didn't do

02:55

anything to stop the boy from drowning

02:56

well they didn't really let mean they

02:58

were making out they were fucking over

03:00

on the dock they were sucking on each

03:01

other getting their teats all rock-hard

03:03

meanwhile Jason Voorhees crawled out of

03:06

bed around midnight he wanted to go eat

03:08

some fish fresh out of the lake you know

03:10

you he was an odd child we're not

03:12

talking about young Prince William over

03:14

here or anything like this it was a big

03:16

water head childhood bumps all over his

03:18

face he he looked like he had a whole

03:20

series of tumors going on so yes he went

03:23

out to the park they were all suck it

03:24

and screwing on each other ends up by

03:26

you know drowning the lake and forever

03:30

from then on he he has to go and he has

03:33

to kill the people who he deems did not

03:35

save his ass well true horror fans will

03:38

know this but some most people a lot of

03:40

people don't Jason does not appear in

03:42

Friday the 13th part one and his famous

03:44

hockey mask does not come until Friday

03:46

the 13th part three thank God because in

03:49

front of the 13th part two he just wore

03:50

that bag over his head he looked like a

03:52

large sack of potatoes this is not

03:53

frightening this looks like something

03:55

that was just farmed it is pitiful you

03:59

know they actually made an action figure

04:01

of uh Friday the 13th part to Jason and

04:04

it's it's still it looks so pitiful it's

04:07

something that you look at it in you

04:08

giggle it's like he's holding a he's

04:10

hold the pitchfork and he's got his

04:11

overalls in the big sack yeah it's just

04:15

awful yeah there is there's nothing less

04:17

terrifying than seeing a man in a potato

04:19

sack that is not a scary look that it

04:22

looks

04:23

new look you gotta get a new outfit

04:24

although I do think hipsters in

04:26

Williamsburg are would probably take to

04:28

that trend similar to how they were all

04:30

dressed as Native Americans three years

04:32

ago oh they love that yes so I was in a

04:34

band at the time with a guy who is told

04:36

that word moccasins everywhere and

04:38

thought he was original unbelievable

04:40

right that guy he deserved to die in

04:42

horror movie absolutely he totally

04:44

decided to die in a horror movie he

04:46

should have been we should have killed

04:47

him let me ask you a question do you see

04:50

people just say on the street on the

04:51

subway and you think like that person

04:54

should die like that person should have

04:56

a machete shoved right into their throat

04:58

oh my goodness all the time I was

05:00

walking up I was on the L train

05:02

yesterday I'm going down and there's

05:05

always a homeless person right on the

05:07

garb homeless people hang out near

05:09

garbage cans for some reason I don't

05:11

know why perhaps there they're there to

05:13

pick up the random wrappers that get

05:15

flown out that don't quite make it in or

05:17

maybe when people someone throws away

05:19

their chicken burrito there that's

05:21

called fresh cooking if you get it as

05:22

soon as it hits the garbage and you grab

05:24

it that's that's the freshest meal

05:25

they're going to get all that so there's

05:28

this fella coming up the steps but six

05:30

feet tall very thin he sounded extremely

05:32

gay and I dressed extremely well very

05:35

hipster looks at the guy says oh get a

05:37

job get a job on Christ I have never

05:40

actually heard anybody say that New York

05:41

City before especially to this kind of

05:44

homeless person this wasn't like a

05:45

homeless fellow who had any ability to

05:49

get it I don't want him to have a job

05:50

the man he was he was extremely

05:53

unattractive he was somehow fat as a

05:55

homeless people are I don't know well

05:57

they just drink beer they just drink

05:58

beer yeah and then of course eat fatty

06:00

foods out of the garbage all empty

06:02

calories all empty calories and they're

06:03

not exactly joining Club fit or anything

06:05

like that which is a weight weight loss

06:07

place in Stevens Point Wisconsin the

06:09

nobodies I heard about but but yet that

06:13

person who said get a job to the

06:14

homeless fella who obviously could never

06:15

have a job nor do I want to have a job

06:17

you mentioned the homeless guy was your

06:18

waiter the next day you saw him out on

06:21

the street being homeless and then the

06:22

next day you're at Benny's burritos and

06:24

he's serving you a plate of fresh food

06:26

I'd stay homeless yeah

06:28

that fellow it would have been beautiful

06:30

to see him skewered like a piece of

06:33

pepper and and beef and then another

06:35

piece of pepper and then the

06:36

mushroom ah uh with a beautiful

06:38

beautiful skier because he was a total a

06:40

dreadful beast man

06:41

and you see those people all over the

06:43

place that uh that just need Denise

06:46

that's the thing about like Jason

06:48

Voorhees he's a humble boy he is and

06:51

what really what brought him back to

06:52

life was when they killed his mother in

06:54

the first episode in the first uh in the

06:56

first film you know his mother loved him

06:59

very much she had to go on a spree so

07:01

obviously it's in his code to sort of

07:03

like be able to use a machete of course

07:05

and that's the thing he he doesn't

07:06

necessarily kill teenagers because he

07:09

was drowned kills teenagers because

07:10

teenagers kill his mother that's the

07:11

thing now going back to being very

07:13

humble he doesn't even care that he's

07:14

dead frankly his life probably wasn't

07:16

that great it was pretty bad yeah eating

07:18

crayons and sucking down paste like it

07:20

was you know doger just a few steps

07:22

below the elephant man oh yeah that's

07:25

sad yeah that's very sad so I think

07:28

that's what leads to the love of the

07:30

horror characters as you're a child and

07:32

uh frankly that's the thing and

07:35

especially growing up high school kids

07:36

are the worst which i think is why they

07:38

tend to be the victims mm-hmm

07:40

in horror films I always enjoy the

07:42

victims of horror films because each one

07:44

represents about I would say like thirty

07:47

million people of the population they're

07:49

all douchey in their own different way

07:50

some are nerdy and douchey some are very

07:53

attractive some are just very

07:54

promiscuous I mean you gotta go and of

07:57

course the reason that we would die or

07:58

though not any longer for you but with

08:01

the marijuana and the drinking still

08:03

drinking heavily oh absolutely no what

08:05

movie was that the nerdy guy who died in

08:07

Friday the 13th part four that we

08:11

watched a big fat scary Thursday's was

08:13

that part for the guys for yeah the guy

08:15

who caught the character who constantly

08:17

tried getting laid but all the woman all

08:19

none of the women would let him and he

08:21

found the pornographic stash of old like

08:24

porno movies with the reel-to-reel

08:25

that's right he just sat there getting

08:28

stoned all the time he died I mean

08:30

that's what he did died an amazing death

08:32

and he died extremely stoned yeah which

08:35

is how you got to go oh that and that is

08:37

the most terrifying death possible it

08:39

okay on acid that's probably the most

08:41

excuse me terrifying death I mean do you

08:44

think it's more terrifying to be sober

08:46

and stalked by a Jason type character or

08:49

an acid because if you're on acid you

08:51

can still have the delusion that it's

08:53

fake yeah

08:54

but it sobered your entire world just

08:58

comes shattering right down on you hmm

09:00

definitely sober you you're gonna go so

09:03

girl I could survive maybe I mean you

09:06

hear about those people who were on acid

09:07

and they jump out of like a 15 story

09:09

window and survive simply because

09:11

they're so crazy that their body doesn't

09:14

react properly and they're still

09:15

loosey-goosey yeah that's why it's like

09:17

in DUI situations when someone's driving

09:19

drunk they hit a car odds are the sober

09:21

person's gonna die because the sober

09:23

person recognizes is in the brain that

09:25

they're about to crash their body tenses

09:26

up everything goes you know broken next

09:29

thing you know their their heart has

09:30

stopped and they're on their way to the

09:32

morgue never to be revived again because

09:34

they are not super demon beasts who are

09:36

drowned as children but when you're when

09:39

you're drunk you can really you can

09:40

survive at all so I'm gonna go I'm gonna

09:42

go with I don't know what I'm gonna go

09:45

with weed and booze okay that's a pretty

09:47

good combination yeah I'd like to go I'd

09:49

go booze myself cuz I get a little bit

09:51

more nerve whenever I got booze you know

09:53

you make it definitely you make a few

09:54

more split decisions that some may be

09:57

right a lot of some might be wrong a lot

09:59

of them right a lot of right and frankly

10:01

when you're being chased by a Jason

10:02

Voorhees type any decision you make you

10:04

just gotta make it 100%

10:06

yeah get on going because you know you

10:08

hesitate for even a second look back you

10:11

know next thing you know you fell over a

10:12

small twig and Jason's right over you

10:15

and he's gonna you know stab you right

10:16

in the old heart yeah so who would you

10:18

say is your uh who do you imitate your

10:22

life after as far as the is as far as

10:24

the horror characters go uh you know I'd

10:27

say uh okay are we talking like just

10:30

characters in any horror movies are we

10:32

talking killers I'm talking well I'm

10:35

thinking more monsters right now it can

10:37

just be killers I'm thinking somebody

10:39

that you as you saw as a child that you

10:42

related to and that's why whenever they

10:45

would be for example I'm also the same

10:46

very similar with Leatherface yeah you

10:48

know the man was just so deformed and

10:50

the mother just they all made fun of him

10:52

they all teased him oh my poor boy

10:55

there's a lot of poor boy talk and I

10:58

always enjoyed that because I was also a

10:59

mama's boy

11:00

yeah and kids teased me and that's why

11:02

just

11:03

take a chainsaw to their legs myself I'm

11:06

more of a Freddy guy I love Fred always

11:08

always happen I love Freddy because you

11:10

know I'm I'm kind of skinny like Freddy

11:12

and we know there's you know and you can

11:14

go into their dreams you don't have to

11:15

actually like confront them because

11:17

you're a big hulking beast right I acted

11:19

totally everyone likes what they are

11:21

yeah everyone everyone likes they are

11:23

you know and he was kind of witty and

11:24

snappy a lot of imagination involved fat

11:27

whenever I was a kid I got I don't know

11:30

I was probably nine ten something like

11:32

that and I went to a costume store you

11:35

know because Halloween was always be on

11:36

my favorite holiday the best holiday

11:39

went to it went to a costume store and

11:41

got the full-on like Freddy makeup like

11:44

you had to really put some effort in

11:46

which I love that they sell to children

11:48

by the way oh yes a pedophile and

11:51

they're like but kids

11:52

go be Freddy em and I got like the Hat I

11:56

got a sweater uh and I got the little

11:59

like the the glove the one that was like

12:01

cloth and rubber cool I would just that

12:04

I would just wear around always right I

12:06

just always had it on my hand but I

12:09

remember I went you know we were doing

12:12

door-to-door trick-or-treating al it

12:14

grew up in a very small town with a

12:16

bunch of old people that they got no

12:18

idea what the fuck's going on in the

12:19

world

12:19

no and I knocked on this old woman's

12:22

door she opened the door and just stared

12:25

at me and opened her screen door but

12:28

would not take her eyes off me open the

12:31

screen door grab some candy put it in my

12:34

bag and then just walked back into her

12:38

house like backed away to her house

12:40

didn't say a fuckin word that seems

12:42

extremely creepy it was soaked I'll

12:44

never forget the look on this woman's

12:46

face it also seems as if perhaps she's

12:48

had dreams about Freddy Krueger at some

12:51

point in her life could be and then she

12:52

saw a mini-version little Fred's coming

12:57

to her door that would be very petrified

12:58

yeah like a tiny 9 10 year old kid you

13:00

were saying your neighbors are very far

13:02

away and that's because you grew up in

13:04

Texas yes and which hey there's not a

13:06

lot in Texas except for land space

13:09

cattle and farts yeah it was much all of

13:11

this and that is where I grew up the the

13:13

land of uh you know space cattle farts

13:16

cotton nothing my nearest neighbor was

13:18

at two miles away and growing up I mean

13:21

as I the person I emulated wanted to be

13:23

was Freddie right that was the one that

13:25

I loved you know Freddie's a bit more of

13:28

an urbanist I uh you know Kent kind of

13:30

character of course and Leatherface was

13:32

who fucking terrified me because even

13:35

before I saw Friday or even before I saw

13:37

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

13:39

I my biggest fear was Drifters oh yeah

13:43

because you know we lived on a like

13:45

secluded area and every once in a while

13:47

you'd have people just like walking up

13:48

to the house in the middle of the night

13:50

because their car broke down or whatever

13:52

my dad walked outside with the gun in

13:54

his hand many a time and sometimes

13:56

people would like oh we fucked up we

13:58

were going to come do something bad but

14:02

no that guy has a gigantic 357 manyou go

14:06

away and then you go away well which is

14:08

equally it's funny because both of those

14:10

fears so the home invasion fear on your

14:13

end you know it's similar to like them

14:16

or or I forget the last home invasion

14:19

film with with that Liv Tyler gal to

14:21

remake oh yeah the I remember the one

14:25

where she got got revenge or something

14:26

like some bullshit like that what was

14:28

the name of that the stranger sadness

14:31

strangers strangers so there was that

14:33

horror theme going on with your father

14:35

grabbing the gun being like who are

14:36

these people coming to my house yeah and

14:38

then those the other horror theme going

14:40

on if the car broke down in the middle

14:41

of nowhere in a Texas town that you've

14:43

never been to before you just got some

14:45

drugs from fucking Mexico you just want

14:46

to get back to North Carolina smoke them

14:48

and tell your friends what a terrible

14:50

state Texas is your car breaks down

14:52

you're walking in the middle of the

14:53

woods you see a large house you're like

14:55

oh my god alright thank God finally

14:57

somebody can help me and those houses

14:59

littered the landscape where I came from

15:03

like they were those big huge like Texas

15:06

Chainsaw they were everywhere and they

15:07

were all abandoned yeah I mean all of

15:10

them because now there's no people

15:11

didn't build their houses next to

15:13

anything never like I go we gotta leave

15:15

now because I thought this was gonna be

15:17

a huge development I thought there's be

15:19

a Walmart popping up here any second

15:20

yeah it just never came nothing so that

15:24

the guy comes to your house and he sees

15:25

an old man

15:27

now with a handgun so in his mind this

15:30

totally innocent part both innocent

15:31

people to some degree equally terrified

15:34

I've just fallen in to some tobe Hooper

15:37

nightmare immediately so both horror

15:40

themes are being expressed and it just

15:42

leads to both people being terrified at

15:45

all times yeah absolutely and the first

15:47

time I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre I was

15:50

I think like 11 or 12 or something like

15:53

that and my nature watches great age and

15:56

my parents used to leave me home alone

15:59

from the time of like 11 or 12 on like

16:02

they go out and do shit like a market

16:04

scene take care of himself and they'd go

16:06

like and whenever they do that they let

16:08

me go to the video store video mania

16:11

rate limit great horror section and I go

16:14

straight to the horse section and I got

16:16

Texas Chainsaw Matt just always get

16:18

horror movies and rent those and you

16:21

know my parents were gone out in the

16:23

middle of nowhere its pitch black

16:24

everywhere around me there are no lights

16:26

or anything like that pitch-black and

16:28

I'm watching tank check Texas Chainsaw

16:30

Massacre and the first thing it's like

16:32

the fucking first scene you know

16:34

whenever right after uh John what was

16:38

his name the guy Voight know the guy

16:40

from Night Court Oh John something that

16:43

he did the narration yeah but whenever

16:46

they first show the fucking cemetery

16:48

after they've done the grave robbing and

16:50

you hear the radio in the background uh

16:52

uh they they on the radio you can hear

16:56

them mention where all this happened and

16:59

they say Childress Texas Childress is an

17:03

hour and a half north of where I grew up

17:06

I knew exactly where Childress Texas was

17:09

that is terrifying so did they they

17:11

filmed it there as well no they filmed

17:13

it in Austin or outside of Austin okay

17:16

but it looked pretty similar looked or

17:17

very similar out like I knew where this

17:21

town was I knew that it was in close

17:23

product I'm in in Texas an hour and a

17:25

half two hours is very close proximity

17:26

oh that's not considered too far to

17:28

travel someplace not at all so your car

17:31

breaks down somewhere there is pretty

17:33

much a 90% chance that you're at least

17:35

an hour away from anything I'd say

17:37

there's a well not an hour

17:39

I mean any kind of big town or anything

17:41

like that at least 15 miles maybe 20 I

17:46

love it dependent yeah I mean the

17:48

isolation alone in that situation is

17:50

terrifying and I said nearest neighbor

17:52

two miles away uh

17:53

so if anything happens quick I got

17:55

nowhere to go like say like say someone

17:58

comes in like my parents before the days

18:00

of cellphones right you know like never

18:03

they probably have cell phones now with

18:04

no reception out there anyway yeah yeah

18:06

it happens all the time yeah uh and

18:08

there's no cell phones whatsoever and

18:11

then the first trichter shows up oh my

18:14

god

18:15

right off the bat fucking director that

18:19

they pay like my worst not only are my

18:21

worst feels real I my worst fears

18:23

realized on film but it's going on an

18:28

hour and a half from where I am at that

18:30

moment in the middle of the night alone

18:32

in the basement of your home well we

18:34

didn't have a basement but alone let

18:36

alone at in my home uh and it just

18:40

fucking it scared the holy living Chad

18:42

never had a movie scare me that much my

18:44

before sense I love it I love that

18:46

feeling so much when I was a kid the

18:47

movie that did that for me that I saw

18:49

when I was 11 years old with Stephen

18:50

King's it oh yeah which it's a funny

18:52

standard for people of our generation

18:54

it's a standard and it was on television

18:57

all the time

18:58

one of the only ones you could really

18:59

actually watch and you kind of trick

19:01

your parents into thinking it was okay

19:03

for you to see and that would that was

19:05

the first one that just I couldn't go to

19:07

the bathroom I had to have my friend

19:09

wait outside the door for me to go to

19:11

the bathroom yeah but as soon as I

19:13

watched that movie as soon as it was

19:14

done I started again I just watched

19:16

immediately watched it again

19:17

and there's something that's what I

19:19

watched II see in the next day you yeah

19:21

yeah you just go in these King I'm at

19:22

scene cut scene here like a thousand

19:24

times

19:24

oh yeah now on the special collector's

19:26

edition like it's beautiful it's amazing

19:28

and once you have that initial fear it

19:30

never really goes away so even I even

19:33

now the graphics for it are insane like

19:35

you know when when Pennywise is coming

19:37

through in the shower and he spreads the

19:38

the whole the drain hole open it it's so

19:42

claymation and awful and like pathetic

19:44

looking and but at that time it was

19:46

unbelievable and I still get scared as

19:49

hell when I see that damn clown and I

19:51

just always will until I die yeah

19:53

a funny thing about that was uh uh that

19:56

guy that played the clown also uh Rocky

19:58

Horror Picture Show Tim Curry Tim Curry

20:00

he was slightly scary in the rocky or

20:01

pictures lightly he also uh played a

20:04

bellhop in a home alone - oh is that

20:07

what it was now well he was a front desk

20:08

guy played a butler in clue well hey we

20:11

know a lot about Tim Curry Wow how does

20:13

that happen

20:14

I guess we're homosexuals I had no idea

20:18

but that's the thing that's the other

20:20

thing you know going back to being

20:23

scared and all those things once you

20:25

watch a horror movie you get the fear

20:27

but then you watch it again you keep on

20:29

watching it you beat this you beat the

20:31

fear yeah you know and that's what

20:32

that's what I think that I the John R is

20:34

all about the genre is all about

20:36

experiencing things that you would never

20:37

want to experience in real life so when

20:39

you do experience them in real life

20:41

you'll be a little bit more ready it's

20:43

not quite that bad it's not quite that

20:46

bad I think that's gonna be like I got a

20:48

little bit more of a stomach for for

20:50

life you know I think about death so

20:52

much only because I just don't want to

20:55

be scared when I finally die

20:58

I mean I think the death needs to be

21:00

discussed more so that's what's so great

21:02

about the horror films I mean they don't

21:03

glorify it or anything like that it

21:04

looks terrible yeah you know but frankly

21:07

watching somebody get beheaded on a

21:10

horror film desensitizes you enough to

21:13

the fact that it happens in real life

21:15

and it lets you take take things with a

21:18

little more levity yeah and a little bit

21:20

more like well they just died yeah I

21:23

guess that's the one and it's kind of a

21:25

funny thing like the that's always um

21:26

it's always thing that kind of uh it's a

21:29

it's a reassurance in a way the worst

21:31

thing that can happen to you yeah you

21:33

just die yeah you know I mean actually

21:35

the worst thing that could happen to you

21:36

is to be buried alive yeah and oh god

21:39

loli slowly died yeah I would have

21:43

really fucks with me a lot I'd rather be

21:44

burned alive and buried alive really

21:46

yeah

21:47

Wow very interesting I think that if you

21:50

get burned alive you you tend to die

21:52

pretty quickly from the from the fumes

21:54

alone right yeah yeah you die / but it

21:57

also depends on say if you're in a like

21:59

say you're in a house fire or something

22:00

like that like you're going to die from

22:02

smoke inhalation before you die from

22:03

being burned alive right but say someone

22:06

just you know dumps

22:07

gasps onion light she on fire it's going

22:10

to be very painful but it Cindy is going

22:12

to be extremely painful but that tear is

22:14

going to be so concentrated that it's

22:17

not I'd much rather have like quick

22:19

concentrated terror in which I'm not

22:22

really even going to know what's going

22:23

on all that much you know I think to

22:25

compute the brain confusion yeah yeah

22:27

the brain bution is just going to be

22:28

ridiculous but being buried alive

22:30

like that's going to take a long time

22:32

you would have to starve to death I mean

22:34

it could take weeks no you'll run an

22:36

oxygen long before that oh yeah I

22:38

suppose that's true that's true

22:40

I would say if you could be if you had

22:42

to be killed by one horror character

22:44

I'll give you five will give you a

22:46

Leatherface Freddy Krueger Jason

22:47

Voorhees Michael Myers or pinhead what

22:51

death are you taking in why Jesus Christ

22:53

well pinhead and you know the Krueger

22:56

those are both out it's suffering like

22:59

that is enough fuck around yeah Hal ray

23:01

our pinhead that suffering uh Freddie

23:04

that's just pure terror

23:06

I'm guessing Voorhees because he's a

23:08

quick kill guy he is a quick kill gun

23:10

kind of sneaks up on you before you know

23:11

your head's gone yeah that's exactly

23:13

what about you ah man you know the thing

23:17

is it's tough because I see what you're

23:19

saying about Freddy yeah and I

23:22

definitely don't want pinhead and it is

23:24

the worst I don't want any I want my

23:26

skin on my body when I die yeah I don't

23:29

need all of my body parts but I want all

23:30

of the skin um so Devon up in head I

23:33

would say leather face but you know they

23:38

leather face every time he cuts off your

23:41

bone it goes up let's say he cuts off

23:43

your leg then he always assaults the

23:45

wound yeah then he keeps you hanging up

23:47

on a hook

23:48

anything hook related to similar with

23:49

Hellraiser I don't want any hooks in me

23:51

now never so not uh not leather face

23:54

Mike Myers the butcher knife is that's a

23:57

painful he had to painful death yeah and

23:59

you're not gonna you're gonna take a

24:01

little bit to bleed out from that one

24:03

unless you get your right in the temple

24:04

or right in the heart you're gonna bleed

24:06

out yeah yeah that's true and you know

24:08

to be just looking at a blank William

24:10

Shatner face I can't have that be my

24:12

last visual either um and then of course

24:15

there's Jason which I agree is a quick

24:17

kill but who I would want to die

24:19

would be Freddie simple because first of

24:21

all sleeping is my favorite activity so

24:24

if I fell asleep one night and I just

24:27

never woke up I would die doing what I

24:30

loved most that's that's true and there

24:33

is something about dreamworld which I

24:36

know you like feel the pain and you

24:38

really die in real life but you know if

24:41

I have to if he turns me into a

24:42

cockroach and then put me into a large

24:45

cockroach hotel and I get glue trapped

24:47

and I have to tear my arms off and

24:49

whatnot

24:49

my favorite Freddie death by the way

24:50

it's pretty awesome yeah I mean I would

24:53

look down and be like that's pretty cool

24:55

macaque Roach turned me into like this

24:57

thing that I never thought I would ever

24:59

be yeah and now I am or you know you

25:01

probably also hear a couple of good

25:03

jokes before you die that's the thing

25:05

he's a charmer yeah yeah and of course

25:07

he's going to stroke you off uh if I was

25:10

a younger boy perhaps I've outgrown him

25:12

so yeah I would go Freddy Krueger he is

25:14

he's funny he's charming he's witty you

25:16

get to die while you're sleeping uh

25:19

there's always a large blood bath he can

25:20

turn you into any series of things and a

25:22

lot of times he lets the people think

25:24

that they're having a good a good time

25:26

yeah you know I got Johnny Depp and the

25:29

very first one with the waterbed thing

25:31

Johnny Depp was having a great time yeah

25:32

I was they needed them with the

25:34

wonderful blood spill and yeah I mean

25:36

what's the kid yeah that one kid Allah

25:39

he was playing video games with the

25:40

child where the I mean if I was a video

25:42

gamer I would think if I could die being

25:45

a video game character that's pretty

25:47

badass that's pretty badass indeed yeah

25:49

it's not bad at all so I feel like

25:50

Freddy fulfills a fantasy in some degree

25:53

of course then he kills you but if I was

25:54

gonna die I'm going Freddy all right I

25:56

can dig that absolutely yeah all right

25:59

so we got to do of course we have you

26:01

want to do this movie review real quick

26:03

yeah let's do it you just saw an amazing

26:05

movie that I think a couple of people

26:07

out there probably only seen the trailer

26:09

and I know whenever I saw the trailer

26:11

you don't really know whether to take it

26:12

seriously or not but you love this movie

26:14

what is it the movie is called rubber

26:17

it's a it's a fantastic film I'm telling

26:19

you it's one of the most original films

26:21

since Marcus Parks here turned me onto

26:23

the prune Brothers school on xhamster if

26:26

you get a chance check that out that's

26:27

horror it was directed written by this

26:30

Quinton do pokes do

26:32

pekes do pouch to POS do P Oaks D Co and

26:36

I will say the film completely shatters

26:38

a third wall it brings you right in

26:39

there's there's an audience in the film

26:42

watching the film with the audience it's

26:44

really bizarre by the end I felt like I

26:46

deserved a sag card I'm telling you it

26:48

was a really it was really amazing it's

26:50

basically about a telekinetic tire and

26:53

as the powers of the telekinetic powers

26:55

and it goes through town blowing

26:56

people's heads off which it's you know a

26:58

pretty fantastic way to die if I I would

27:01

say if I did have to die anyway getting

27:04

the head blown off is one of my favorite

27:05

ways to go not be a great one yeah

27:07

instant instant and you know the stories

27:10

everyone says before they die they would

27:12

get the flashbacks of everything they've

27:13

done in their life I do not want that I

27:15

want no record no recollection before I

27:18

die of the terrible things I've done to

27:20

people and I'm not even sure my brain

27:22

can remember them I'm drunk so so much

27:25

uh so I would say this uh do Poe

27:27

character is absolutely brilliant the

27:29

whole film is about how there is no

27:31

reason in movies uh and there is no

27:34

reason in this film there is like not

27:36

there's nothing that explains why it

27:37

exists and frankly there's no reason why

27:40

it shouldn't exist which i think is sort

27:42

of the point and so I would say this

27:45

movie is a the tire is extremely human

27:48

they somehow like similar like they did

27:50

with Wally uh-huh you know they so they

27:52

took this tire and they made it like

27:54

they gave it like actual human emotion

27:55

somehow and it's a what I say is

28:00

described as a victim fighting for

28:02

survival in a world in a human world I

28:04

mean tires are abused yeah they are and

28:06

going back to what we were talking about

28:07

earlier with with all the characters

28:09

every horror character is always abused

28:10

I can't imagine a worse life than being

28:13

a tire yeah it's the worst your read on

28:15

the entire time when you when you start

28:17

to go flat they just kick you you're a

28:18

slave you're a slave to a you know a

28:20

toyota which is awful

28:23

so as with all good horror characters

28:25

the tire is a sympathetic antihero we

28:28

live vicariously through as it kills the

28:30

representation of all that we hated

28:32

growing up yeah which is small-town

28:34

local yokels and to have very stupid

28:37

sheriff's so if you see one movie this

28:40

summer I say see Arthur but if you see

28:42

the two I say see Arthur again but then

28:45

if you see

28:46

three make sure to watch rubber endorsed

28:49

right here but the last podcast on the

28:51

left you heard it first absolutely

28:53

well that was fun it was great all right

28:56

and now we're going to talk in studio

28:58

we're very very lucky to have our first

29:02

guest and he will be here quite often oh

29:04

yes this guy is amazing I met him right

29:06

before we came in here to the studio

29:07

very interesting character well we only

29:11

have two chairs here in the studios have

29:14

been you're gonna have to leave all

29:17

right I'm going to take off and let's

29:23

welcome into the studio Ouija Ouija yes

29:28

great to have you here are you doing

29:30

well yes that's great so you're here to

29:33

tell us about a Rob Zombie's new movie

29:35

the Lords of Salem yes ha that's

29:38

wonderful

29:39

it being that you're a bit of a specter

29:41

yourself what do you think about a Rob

29:43

Zombie's new film about the Salem witch

29:45

trials and the Salem witch trials uh we

29:48

we lost a lot of good witches to those

29:51

honky-ass crackers I I remember back

29:53

then people used to try to get demons

29:55

like me out of women by drowning hanging

29:58

hell even raping but ever would know the

30:02

only way to kill a demon is with love

30:04

Wow that's very interesting

30:07

so back to zombies movie it seems like

30:09

this one is gonna really hit home for

30:11

you yes can you remember any of your

30:14

spirit friends that you lost during the

30:16

Salem witch trials yes I lost many bad

30:19

friends of course not bad meeting bad

30:22

but bad meaning good hey that's a Run

30:25

DMC lured Peter Peppers wrote it where

30:27

do you think they got the lyric from

30:29

Sorry Sorry calm down I didn't realize

30:32

that you contributed so much to pop

30:34

culture uh but anyway you were saying

30:36

about bad friends lost yes I lost many

30:39

some were demons I met here in hell

30:41

others were ghosts of people I once

30:44

haunted Oh a witch's mainly mmm very

30:47

interesting so you were close with the

30:49

people you hunted didn't they resent the

30:51

fact that you took over their bodies

30:53

does a heroin addict regret the fact

30:56

he's high yes but I am NOT here

30:59

I am a demon spirit that opens the eyes

31:02

of mere mortals and allows them to see

31:04

the great beyond that can only be

31:06

described as staring into the butthole

31:08

of an abyss

31:09

yeah but then you know people would be

31:13

burned or drowned or even raped to death

31:16

all because you possess their bodies

31:19

that's terrible for people now now they

31:22

were happy to die that's why I possessed

31:25

mainly women it was a terrible time to

31:28

be alive women think they have it bad

31:30

now because men don't put their toilet

31:33

seat up but back then there were no

31:35

seats and they were the toilets

31:38

metaphorically I would assume no men

31:41

literally use them as outhouses

31:43

okay okay we've gotten off track and

31:46

frankly that was disgusting what do you

31:48

remember most about your days in Salem

31:50

honestly I had a great time during the

31:53 1600s it was really hundred years of 31:56

demon Woodstock we experimented with

31:58

haunting previously thought impossible

32:00

it was at this time we learned to spin

32:03

victims heads completely around without

32:05

killing them and when the reverse

32:08

crab-walk really became in vogue we were

32:12

just young demons having the time of our

32:14

deaths and just sounds like a fantastic

32:16

century well you know we got a run soon

32:19

but do you have any advice for a Rob

32:22

Zombie as he makes this film I would

32:24

tell Rob remember the pain of the times

32:26

no one was saying if they were saying

32:29

they were too retarded to realize what

32:31

was going on it was a time of foul

32:34

stretch

32:35

foul behavior and foul justice also if

32:38

you can please put my character in the

32:40

film that would be great

32:42

I personally caused 158 women to be

32:45

burned at the stake 250 stores seven

32:49

women to be drowned and 1080 women to be

32:54

raped I actually set the rape record

32:56

amongst all demons Wow does that record

32:59

holder this day now the ghost of Jerry

33:03

Garcia beat me Wow

33:06

that is a wonderful bit of tribute for

33:08

all of our fans out there and for all of

33:10

our deadhead fans as well be sure to

33:12

spread the word

33:12

what an amazing interview thank you so

33:15

much for coming into the studio eg thank

33:17

you good bye good bye indeed and mr.

33:20

zombie I hope you take into

33:22

consideration what we G said oh man what

33:26

I miss uh you missed a disgusting demon

33:29

coming in uh - frankly scare the holy

33:32

living fuck out of me

33:34

but you know what we're gonna have him

33:35

back again soon hell yeah thank you for

33:37

being here we G and that's gonna wrap up

33:39

the first podcast on the left yeah hell

33:42

yeah Thank You Marcus what a good time

33:44

thank you been a wonderful time I'm Ben

33:46

Kissel Marcus parks we'll see you next

33:48

week and we'll talk more horror things

33:51

horror things over things

33:54

[Music]