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The following is a transcript of Episode 8: The End of the World by The Last Podcast On The Left.

This transcript was based on text automatically generated via YouTube's closed captioning system. If you notice any errors, please feel free to correct them.

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00:00

time up with snakes that's what I say I

00:02

use rope oh one makes brick solders and

00:09

butchers one makes bricks one who makes

00:11

beef Phoebe why do you be be welcome to

00:16

last podcast on the Left ladies and

00:17

gentlemen the spookiest podcast you ever

00:19

get a trick your brain it's too spooky

00:21

you better show off the vodka go listen

00:23

now don't listen now don't listen

00:24

because you're gonna get scared from the

00:26

podcast your left hands on fire

00:29

alright you blew it out and everything's

00:31

fine fine it's fine please continue

00:33

listening to the podcast I'm been gizzle

00:35

George's always with the very luscious

00:36

and beautiful marques parks and my

00:40

favorite young boy Henry Zebrowski I'll

00:42

me indeed a little Hitler in his own

00:46

right that's a mulch uh me Hitler in the

00:48

army all the time chubby hits tributes

00:51

Sheila I would that kill the Jews but I

00:54

am exhausted oh my god I was gonna kill

00:57

the Jews but then I watched all this

00:59

self art I said screw - Jews but that is

01:02

it oh does hoagie it's so funny out that

01:04

the fat voice immediately goes to

01:06

Wisconsin das hoagie

01:08

it's a good fat sound and I am happy as

01:10

hell to be here this Monday May 23rd two

01:15

days after the impossible in upon good

01:19

guy God this is fine this is fine so I

01:22

will say and so today on that theme we

01:25

are talking about all end of the world

01:27

ideas into the world cults and end of

01:29

the world predictions we just had our

01:31

recent bust the most recent bust of our

01:34

lifetime 2012 herald Camping's

01:37

family radio.com you can check that out

01:39

they've been preaching the end of the

01:41

world and I must say Saturday was a good

01:43

day for me I was at a wedding with Henry

01:45

Zebrowski we were really enjoying

01:46

ourselves

01:47

watch your time watching love bloom I

01:49

took the day off

01:50

I had a lawn order SVU marathon it was

01:52

amazing one or sounds like a great day

01:54

is that how you would have spent your

01:55

last day alive well well maybe he will

01:58

take me ate it it's a good show speaking

02:00

of totally good show my favorite part

02:02

about the rapture of course not being

02:04

right whatsoever is that picture of the

02:08

guy you spend $150,000 putting up the

02:11

ads all over the world in that picture

02:13

of him in

02:13

we're just looking at his watch being

02:15

like what's going on here and then

02:17

around 10:00 p.m. you just see him at a

02:18

TGI Fridays over in Midtown just sucking

02:21

down hurricanes and chicken wings I'm

02:23

gonna be alive I'm gonna have some of

02:24

these jalapeno poppers I mean oh hey if

02:26

the world's not ended I don't care about

02:28

my heart anyway let's go I will say you

02:31

mentioned television you watch nothing

02:32

but CSI the Harold Camping the fellow

02:34

who started this unbelievable terrible

02:36

idea what an idiot

02:38

beautiful mathematic calculations he

02:40

said on the day of the rapture he

02:42

planned on watching television just to

02:43

see the destruction oh that's so fun of

02:46

him as oh nice so you're not spending

02:48

with his family or like I don't think he

02:50

has family a radio host in his 80s is a

02:53

lonely beaver in a woodless pond as we

02:56

always like to say here on the old show

02:57

I do love the fatties like yes the Lord

03:00

is going to destroy the earth her

03:02

earthquakes and hurricanes about but

03:05

he's not gonna mess with my Verizon

03:06

triple play package there is no way he

03:09

respects the contract and I have a four

03:11

year contract I'm still getting Showtime

03:13

free for three months so Lord spare my

03:15

vizio television please time if the

03:19

rapture did happen wouldn't it be so

03:21

wonderful did not have any of those

03:23

pricks on the earth anymore well you

03:25

know that mean the thing is yeah he said

03:27

he said he went on to say only 200

03:29

million people will be saved and those

03:31

left behind will die in the earthquakes

03:33

which mean technically we will

03:35

eventually you never know how you're

03:37

gonna die we might out we might go Macho

03:39

Man Randy Savage style just totally

03:41

right to a tree the most insane death

03:44

possible heart attack into triple like

03:48

flip car crash triple tree yeah into a

03:51

tree and you know that's the thing about

03:53

macho man you know the Lord tried to

03:55

kill him with the heart attack and he

03:56

said he'd fuck you Lord yeah I am man

03:59

I'm slapping into a slimmed-down

04:01

we're doing it this way yeah I just

04:04

realized he's a spokesperson for slim

04:06

jims which are very bad for your heart

04:07

it's kinda like when the Marlboro Man

04:08

died of lung cancer yeah so he's having

04:11

a heart attack he kicks out he sees the

04:13

lights he one two and that ref is going

04:16

down he's an inch away from the mat oh

04:18

my back - yeah - - you know juniors

04:22

going crazy in the booth I think it was

04:23

three I think it was the three the king

04:25

is like no no I thought it was two

04:27

he's alive and then sure enough you know

04:30

we shrink a moment of silence to we get

04:34

we elebrate a wonderful life did you

04:36

already do that uh negated to him on the

04:37

roundtable but he'll there's never

04:38

enough moments of silence for the Macho

04:40

Man and that was fine that's good that

04:43

was nice overall he's got a total of a

04:45

second which he'll if you can stop us

04:47

from talking for over almost a second

04:50

that's huge you lived an amazing life

04:52

you had a lot of respect coming from us

04:54

that was the greatest honor of all time

04:56

I mean that's the thing so macho men

04:57

died the Friday of May twentieth meaning

05:00

he just missed the rapture had he died

05:03

on May 21st I might have believed this

05:05

camping fella ya know if I'd be like oh

05:07

yeah the Lord came down and I think he

05:09

only took one person but that's the gun

05:12

that I would want to party with for the

05:13

rest of eternity I mean he's a beautiful

05:15

man and maybe the Lord is picking up a

05:16

little bit of wrestling moves up there

05:17

in the heavens maybe it's like a

05:19

big-time for pro wrestling up there he

05:20

needs to get more entertainment for his

05:22

uh you know mincing minions and angels

05:24

they're a little bit bored with her

05:25

monotony and all these your backgammon

05:28

yeah that game I the only thing the show

05:29

on TV oh they want more of a carnival of

05:31

physical delights of Randy Macho Man

05:34

Savage jumping off a clouds absolutely

05:37

you know the power bombs and various

05:39

other wrestling but the servers and I'm

05:41

not sure it was burping my way through

05:42

this I'm not feeling good no you look

05:44

terrible I feel like shit no no don't

05:46

say that I'm still I have so much cheese

05:48

in my system from Wisconsin I'm gonna

05:50

die yeah I feel like after the Wisconsin

05:52

trip I've been going through

05:53

mini-strokes mm-hmm four or five of them

05:55

this is the thing you know the earth is

05:58

eventually going to end it will end you

06:01

know they say that the earth we have

06:02

what about a billion years left before

06:04

the Sun explodes and kills everything in

06:06

our solar system I know probably 500

06:09

million years before that all life on

06:11

Earth will be at least be dead you know

06:13

there's you can believe that humans are

06:16

going to try their damnedest to make

06:18

sure that we don't we don't extinguish

06:20

ourselves basically want to look at

06:22

someone like Ray Kurzweil believes that

06:24

eventually will create computers that

06:25

are smart enough to improve themselves

06:27

and that they will get us off the planet

06:29

earth to a place where we can live

06:31

forever eventually terming whole planets

06:33

into computers and eventually we'll all

06:34

be parts of nano machines and cloud did

06:37

sort we'd live in a cloud like formation

06:40

of I'm like just a

06:41

ughter like I just like think about

06:42

porno and like it'll be like I'm

06:44

watching it you would be the girl

06:46

getting fucked and then be the dude

06:47

fucking you oh my god that's gonna

06:50

happen that is incredible and reycarts

06:53

well thing is going to happen by 2045

06:54

well I mean it's I don't know if 2045

06:57

that seems like it's coming up and that

06:58

might be in our lifetime we don't we can

07:00

survive till then we don't

07:02

so we'll be you know returning here to

07:04

the podcast and that's one way of

07:06

possibly beat the end of times but

07:09

they're gonna come eventually everything

07:10

dies well they have to I mean I will say

07:12

this May twenty first thing it would be

07:14

very funny because you figure hundreds

07:16

of thousands of people die every day

07:18

yeah so if you just if one of these guys

07:20

like let's say the fellow who paid one

07:22

hundred and forty thousand dollars were

07:23

just his life savings which means he did

07:25

not save his money very well because it

07:26

frankly I don't think that's a lot of

07:27

cash but I'm going one of the old

07:29

college money do you have right now in

07:30

the bank account yeah but I'm not sixty

07:32

by the time I'm sixty I expect to have a

07:34

little bit more than one hundred and

07:35

forty grand in the bank are you kidding

07:37

me I don't know I want to buy a car for

07:39

a hundred forty grand on a whim

07:40

absolutely oh I went on I'm gonna have

07:42

to have at least a couple million devil

07:44

married in a Ferrari yeah a lot of fun

07:46

just buy the Ferrari just to fucking

07:48

shoot your brains out isn't sitting in

07:50

the front seat yeah don't get buried in

07:52

it why not man that's what I'm doing I

07:54 90 Ferrari coughing I'll take it and 07:57

hopefully you can get one of those gals

07:59

with you and you killed her too and she

08:01

had such large fake bosoms the only

08:02

thing they're gonna find if they

08:03

excavate is too big silicone pants and

08:06

they're like you know what this guy did

08:06

it right in a beautiful car did a

08:08

beautiful wife hmm

08:09

and I'll say that's not my wife that's

08:11

my girlfriend my wife is alive you see

08:14

the thing about they also said about

08:15

Harold Camping is that now now that it

08:17

didn't happen he said that no actually

08:20

what May 21st was was a sort of silent

08:23

judging by God on earth just more of it

08:26

inquisitive yeah Jesus they had he had

08:29

yet a prime investigation on earth and

08:31

decided that we were guilty and that the

08:32

actual new end of times is October 21st

08:35

wait wait no I don't think that he came

08:38

out with a new date we did he just say

08:40

that I've heard something about October

08:42 21st but I'm not I just write them which 08:44

is my father's birthday huh go strange

08:46

oh well yeah the end of the end of times

08:49

will be a Libra oh you never knew huh

08:52

but I mean nonetheless so yeah so you

08:54

you're thousands people did die on May

08:56 21st and if it was like the like the say 08:59

was the the perverted uncle of the guy

09:00

who spent a hundred and forty thousand

09:02

dollars the uncle was a bit of a touchy

09:03

of a boys you like to grab on the old

09:05

you know the small he was a friendly

09:07

uncle he was it wins on a hands on a

09:11

hands-on parent that's what I like to

09:12

call him real touchy Pete I will say uh

09:15

there's uncles are never up to any good

09:17

now why is that I don't know my all my

09:20

uncle's were racist isn't that bizarre

09:21

racist and mean and just lots of just

09:24

bad kids terrible kids so you figure

09:27

that person dies on the day that the

09:29

Lord is supposed to be coming back in

09:30

your insane brain and you're like I just

09:32

did it all wrong the things I should

09:35

have been like uncle touchy Petey

09:36

I had no idea was supposed to be

09:38

molesting children but the rapture

09:40

wasn't just people dying the rapture was

09:42

people floating to the air to heaven I

09:45

mean well I leave it doesn't their body

09:48

dies no when their soul goes up doesn't

09:51

the body stay on there like after I will

09:53

say none of the body the body and the

09:55

soul go up it's supposed to be disappear

09:58

yeah you just say you just disappear and

09:59

your clothes I usually lay on the ground

10:02

like neatly folded or something like

10:03

that like Jesus comes and folds your

10:05

clothes like he's some kind of Spanish

10:06

made I don't that's not my Jesus have

10:09

you all seen that a bumper sticker like

10:11

this car will be empty in the unmanned

10:14

unmanned an event of rapture oh my good

10:17

it was the one thing that is real is

10:19 2012 what's going on in December 21st 10:22 2012 haha that is something that it's 10:24

definitely gonna happen it's gonna

10:25

happen so this is based upon the Mayan

10:27

calendar correct

10:28

so because the Mayan dude that was

10:31

enslaved and forced to chisel the

10:33

calendar God like 2012 was like I have

10:37

no fingers right

10:38

I have no fingers I'm itching everything

10:40

with my teeth and then he died just like

10:43

Macho Man Randy Savage with a major

10:45

heart attack after working too hard to

10:47

entertain the people of the time 2012 a

10:51

lot of people believe that it's gonna be

10:52

the end of the world because at the end

10:53

of the long term Mayan calendar these

10:56

also there's also with like many people

10:58

say like it's not necessarily the end of

11:01

the calendar as a whole it's just the

11:03

end of that long term and it's going to

11:05

start another wall the age of maize is

11:07

what we're in

11:08

I don't know I love corn though yeah up

11:11

to my eyeballs in it um but there's like

11:15

all sorts of what's the area the world

11:17

as we know it that's and I think that's

11:19

the true phrase there that is it's like

11:22

I don't know if it's going to Sarah Lee

11:23

be the end of the world or some people

11:25

say we'll be like earthquakes and super

11:27

tornados and rights that will happen and

11:28

then there's also a sort of idea that

11:31

it's going to be a psychic change so at

11:34

the end of a sort of worldview and that

11:36

will either be weakened communism here

11:40

I'm just in a new agey at a new agey

11:43

explanation it's like either a change in

11:46

mindset like something will either

11:47

happen it changed the way people look at

11:50

the earth and our role in the universe

11:51

it's like a lot of people point to the

11:54

fact that that that will be when aliens

11:56

reveal themselves a lot of people come

11:58

with this aliens thing yeah and then or

12:01

that's another thing people say that

12:02

will be a the first time that something

12:05

happens in artificial intelligence

12:06

that's really huge and then towards the

12:09

end of 2012 like we'll make some huge

12:11

breakthrough and like right now they're

12:13

they're various private companies are

12:15

working on like reverse engineering the

12:18

brain right where they're taking the

12:19

brain and they're trying to figure out

12:20

how to build an actual physical model of

12:22

the brain on a nano like molecular level

12:25

in order to make artificial intelligence

12:29

that will actually use the same things

12:31

that we use in our brains right and

12:33

there's and there's a lot of people just

12:34

like I'll just booze it just runs on

12:36

booze we use and just and the things

12:39

that was punished by for its mother and

12:41

father mmm it's craving of attention

12:43

need for validation yeah but he uh not

12:49

like me no I'm feeling good he is not

12:51

crying right now like that reason there

12:54

ain't no there are no tears streaming

12:56

down my face

12:57

no getting conjuration beard there's

12:59

nothing happening like my beard is a

13:02

sort of cobweb for sorrowful tears yeah

13:06

and they're like little flies and the

13:08

spider that is my tongue come and eat

13:12

my sorrowful tears of course it does

13:14

absolutely but there you would read your

13:16

ego say that these that by the end of

13:19 2012 that's were these a lot of these 13:21

projects are supposed to

13:22

and where they they're starting to think

13:25

that just in terms of the science world

13:26

that we'll have some sort of working

13:27

model of a human brain by the end of

13:30

next year and that eventually the

13:31

software will catch up to it

13:33

so that it can use those neural

13:35

connections to think just like we do

13:38

really Japan already created this they

13:40

could and now Japan they're more of a

13:42

movement type stuff like that it's it's

13:46

that's what it's more based on like

13:47

asshole I connect in everything yeah

13:50

yeah stuff like that that's what they're

13:51

all about there was that one situation I

13:54

remember about a year ago where they

13:56

made that machine and it loved too much

13:58

he nearly killed the poor boy I loved

14:01

the I anticipate what huh gand say I

14:06

love you I think what they said I think

14:08

in the end though I think it turned out

14:09

to be fake it was a fake it was fake it

14:12

was a fun story well hell edit out the

14:15

fact that he said it was fake in Japan I

14:18

love you I love you and he's just

14:21

squeezing the hell of this poor Japanese

14:23

science do you're like those machines

14:25

that love too much

14:25

that is the thing so I mean I think yeah

14:27

there's a lot of aliens from outer space

14:29

talk a lot of you know this machine

14:31

talks but don't you think it's more

14:33

reasonable at the end of the world is

14:35

going to be caused by just a stupid war

14:37

and we're gonna end up some country is

14:39

going to throw a nuke or it's gonna be

14:41

maybe not even throw a nuke we're gonna

14:43

think that they did sir they're gonna

14:44

hit their nukes and we're gonna hit our

14:46

nukes next thing you know India's

14:47

hitting their nukes Pakistan's hitting

14:49

their nukes

14:49

fucking you know Iran's gonna have them

14:52

they're hitting their nukes and I just

14:53

feel like we're gonna cause the end of

14:55

the world in the lamest most pathetic

14:57

way which is just to be a nuclear

14:58

holocaust which is the most obvious way

15:00

to do it which is sad the one thing that

15:02

is stuck with me since I was a kid the

15:05

as far as the end of the world goes the

15:07

stand oh this is for you bro virus yeah

15:10

a super virus type thing when I was yeah

15:12

ever since I was a kid that's always

15:13

will so go through the stand because I

15:15

can't barely remember that movie I just

15:17

kind of stupid so Stu I loved it as a

15:19

kid and then I reach and I recently

15:21

watched the miniseries and it's just so

15:23

retarded it is they it's like a demon

15:27

sort of creature or helps lead this

15:31

super virus happens it's unleash out of

15:34

us a super top secret

15:35

military base okay it kills the majority

15:37

of humankind and then it's about the

15:40

various people who come up out of it and

15:41

one is to led by a very kindly psychic

15:45

black lady who teaches all them like you

15:47

know being good and then there's um then

15:50

there's a railway there's Randall Flagg

15:52

where's a Canadian tuxedo all the time

15:54

well I do like that why is it in these

15:56

opposed to part of apocalyptic movies

15:58

and similar with the matrix so it's a

16:00

black woman that is just like saving

16:01

everybody's lives being a it's a trope

16:04

and yeah they call it the magical Negro

16:06

trope look back or vein that Sears

16:09

that's seriously what it's called well I

16:10

will say I have met many black women in

16:12

my life and none of them have been

16:15

fucking nice to me so well maybe it's

16:17

just your attitude maybe that maybe no

16:19

I'm just joking I'll go rabid obviously

16:21

but I've never once met one who is like

16:23

a sage or like some sort of the only

16:25

time you meet anyone it's like they're

16:27

yelling at you on the street to go into

16:29

one of these uh psychic homes and it's

16:32

like I don't have that kind of time

16:33

right now nor the money your child is

16:36

screaming behind you we should go to sag

16:38

we should go to a site we are going to a

16:40

psychic on one of these shows very soon

16:42

yeah yeah my first roommate here in the

16:44

city was a 55 year old black woman named

16:46

Melva we Melva psychic did she have any

16:49

powers whatsoever now she used to just

16:51

tell me and she used to just make lentil

16:53

soup and tell me about all the time she

16:54

was molested and ever she was growing up

16:56

that's a fun roommate yes I guess she

16:59

has wisdom beyond her years to some

17:01

degree but we also bought the Xbox so

17:04

yeah that's like you so you put up with

17:06

her you put up with those stories and

17:08

she just loved Ugly Betty

17:09

ah well who does it on the counter

17:11

defense I've never seen somebody really

17:13

tough wearing a Canadian tuxedo either

17:15

and a lot of people wearing this full

17:17

denim get up in these films just come

17:19

across as one of the most badass dudes

17:21

on the planet the thing is like they all

17:22

tend to be pumping gas in real life for

17:24

Billy Zane - you're gonna have to make a

17:26

custom-made smaller version of them

17:28

because they only normally come in extra

17:30

extra large yeah I mean I'm just I'm

17:32

just on this website here all about the

17:34

end of the world and this is number nine

17:36

possibilities others believe that planet

17:38

x nibiru

17:40

oh yeah have you heard about this

17:41

two-thirds the world's size will pass

17:43

through our solar system around 2012

17:45

causing the polar axis to shift the

17:48

earth

17:48

not real it's possible though no I just

17:52

read anything

17:52

no go on no you know continue reading

17:55

how it's going to stress a process if it

17:57

actually does happen which hey let's

17:58

just establish the fact this is

18:00

happening yeah yeah totally gonna happen

18:02

right that would apparently take up it

18:03

would take up five thousand years so we

18:05

got some time okay so that's that's so

18:07

nice so in the first class Nibiru Planet

18:09

X does not look like it will be

18:11

fulfilling any end of the day world

18:12

predictions for the 2012 which I think

18:15

completely makes sense because help we

18:16

got a whole bunch of years left the same

18:18 - I was also reading on NASA's website 18:20

today because they kind of put out a QA

18:22

sort of thing after the rapture scare

18:26

basically just answering questions about

18:28

the end of the world and they bring up

18:30

new burro and they're just like new

18:32

burro doesn't exist

18:34

we've never read about it it's like a

18:35

NASA openly has said it's like if

18:37

anything was going to come and to our

18:39

solar system to destroy us over the next

18:41

two years next year because it's a year

18:44

and a half until when the supposed end

18:46

of the Mayan calendar happens like

18:48

they'd know about it they won't know

18:50

about it I suppose so I mean I'm not

18:52

gonna be maxing out my credit cards

18:53

right now but then again maybe I should

18:56

but there was a millisecond on Saturday

18:58

when I looked at my cell phone and was

19:00

like who should i text right send out

19:03

your last text I mean who you testing

19:05

for your last text I thought that was a

19:07

this weird scare on my parents ranch

19:10

there's a in Texas right now it's Texas

19:12

is on fire has been for a good few

19:15

months and I just read Joplin I think

19:17

it's Missouri they up there yeah they do

19:18

as well things are weird when they say

19:20 75% of the city is gone and it's like 19:23

that's a town of like 120,000 people

19:25

it's not small but on the ranch there's

19:28

a been all these wildfires everywhere

19:30

and so we've got these little streams

19:32

running through and one of our hands ed

19:35

ed was like driving around and he saw

19:38

one of these streams and the stream the

19:40

water was just running black like

19:43

completely and totally like tar black

19:45

why he was like kind of scared like

19:48

called up my mom is like Billy you got

19:50

to come out and see this my mom came out

19:53

it's like oh hey lad that's just from

19:55

the fucking fire out there it's just sit

19:59

goddamn I we had your parents problems

20:02

we

20:02

William bassoon ear we told you it's a

20:06

it's either pretty fun problems amazing

20:09

I mean certainly not the problems that

20:12

these poor bastards you thought the

20:13

world is going to end on Saturday have

20:14

right now I'm Haven honey get your life

20:16

back together I mean there's a lid

20:18

talking about people who like they

20:19

interviewed people who are you know they

20:22

quit their jobs and went across country

20:24

people know she blew timed like they're

20:27

fucking their money to run out on

20:28

Saturday I did this thing I saw one guy

20:31

one guy said he brought his family and

20:33

his wife in an RV to the Grand Canyon

20:35

max at all of their credit cards which

20:38

that's not a way to go out that's not a

20:39

good motivation and they got to the

20:42

Grand Canyon said well at the very least

20:43

I got to see the country yeah that's

20:45

what I thought I was like well at least

20:47

right side on the bright side of life

20:50

kill yourself I just killed himself by

20:54

the way so it was the end of the world

20:56

for him uh believe that it's the end

20:58

times I don't love the end times are

21:01

coming but there is definitely I'm gonna

21:04

be kooky spooky and you I do believe

21:06

that something's going on I think it's

21:08

just in terms of us destroying the earth

21:11

slowly is starting to catch up we're

21:13

sort of see the actual changes happen to

21:16

our weather and various things that are

21:18

it has been the worst weather I've ever

21:20

experienced in New York City granted

21:22

it's only five years I've been here but

21:23

I'm just like let's get a son do we

21:25

still have one maybe it was prove

21:27

yourself he's a half without the Sun

21:29

yeah but it's you're just extreme

21:32

weather all over the place you could see

21:34

how it's feeding these people to believe

21:37

that the rapture is coming because these

21:39

sort of extreme things are happening

21:41

environment that are like making people

21:43

react and because people are dumb and

21:45

they don't they theum automatically

21:46

assume that it's like God doing it for

21:49

vengeance and that's the Thunder God

21:50

yeah

21:51

bringing the bringing the Thunderer no I

21:53

mean that's the thing I mean totally

21:54

makes sense i I like the idea I wish

21:57

that there was a God making all of the

21:59

weather really terrible because then we

22:01

could appease this stupid bastard and

22:02

get like amazing weather all the time

22:04

absolutely and you know for a fact it's

22:06

not real because some like Florida has

22:08

amazing weather yeah and it's like the

22:10

people in Florida they're terrible

22:12

people

22:13

they just curse and they drink they're

22:15

always spitting

22:16

they're like

22:16

animals over there I just know this

22:18

about them yeah and the gays Fort

22:20

Lauderdale is a gay mayor still every

22:22

day sunny bright yeah

22:25

lizards are having a good time no

22:27

lizards just have sex in the Sun all day

22:29

the devilish snake is like oh this is

22:32

the greatest greatest place I could ever

22:33

shed my skin so that's why there's proof

22:36

there is no God because you would think

22:39

then Alaska they all pretend to be

22:41

holier than thou they love the Lord they

22:44

like to pray to him that worst weather

22:45

on earth and the Bible Belt right now is

22:48

getting jet like we said ripped apart by

22:50

fucking tornado that's exactly right

22:52

isn't that proof that you're not praying

22:54

to anything yeah if there's a tornado

22:55

that rips through your house yeah

22:57

they're shaken tornadoes and here in the

22:58

Denison in New York City we get gloomy

23:00

weather for a week and that's it see

23:02

also it affirms their mindset though at

23:06

the same time and they look because they

23:08

also are so narcissistic and like

23:11

believing that it's it's like they're

23:13

it's like a show being put on for them

23:15

right that like God is trying to show

23:17

them a sign by destroying them as being

23:20

like when you're the chosen people like

23:22

according to Missouri yours like various

23:25

places were it's like we are the chosen

23:26

people of a specific God he's going to

23:28

alternately love you and then all like

23:31

then destroy you just to show you that

23:34

he's around well you know II go on these

23:36

people to imagine that you can call the

23:38

end of the world I mean they they think

23:40

of themselves as many little gods yeah

23:41

me little Trojan Lords absolutely great

23:44

and large power did that give Harold

23:46

Camping tell everybody that here when

23:49

the end and 1 million dollars what this

23:52

is that the business is not worth 72

23:54

million this old bastard

23:56

it is amazing he's a radio DJ him and

23:58

Glenn Beck who would have thought radio

24:00

DJs are gonna be the end of the world

24:02

yeah you know he's like these are the

24:03

only two people in the world they are it

24:05

you're the one you're gonna make it

24:07

because it's like cuz people look at

24:09

America and and the one of the voices

24:12

they hear what are the first things

24:13

they'll see it just like they see Glenn

24:15

Beck busy Rush Limbaugh when they think

24:17

of America they think of these things

24:19

and then they and then we go to a place

24:21

like Greece and we take off our shirts

24:23

and they see your pasty folds and

24:25

they're just like that's disgusting

24:27

America is awful it's all like that

24:30

that's

24:30

while go to Europe I don't go to these

24:32

other places they see you right here

24:34

right you ought to be from Texas and try

24:37

to talk to those people they know they

24:38

don't want to hear anything I have to

24:39

say of course not you know whatever you

24:41

chubby little redhead crippled by

24:43

redhead and I got I got no political

24:45

currency in Europe I mean I don't know

24:48

man

24:49

you tell me Oh pres would you go

24:52

together

24:53

damn rocker me and you me and you go to

24:55

tag-team Europe together that'll start a

24:57

whole nother end of the world cult

24:58

they'll have over there shorter than the

25:00

tow man came with the short fat man you

25:04

know what that means

25:05

you guys are just like the Giant and a

25:07

midget on Twin Peaks yeah that's nice

25:09

well that's really nice I have no idea

25:12

what I was even gonna say before you

25:14

went on this huge diatribe about going

25:17

over to Greece I don't want to go to

25:18

Greece I didn't say that and you would

25:20

agree if you went to Greece they would

25:22

love you I'm sure everyone's here the

25:24

same hair pattern as most Greek then but

25:27

I got a thick and coarse and black you

25:30

know it's a sort of tawny red oh and

25:33

that's just not attractive it isn't but

25:37

you are attractive because if your

25:39

personality in your raw worldview and

25:41

that's why we do radio mostly it's true

25:43

because it's like when we're in public

25:46

it will gross not guys a little bit girl

25:49

this is this way we can just filter our

25:51

voices mm-hmm and not yeah you don't get

25:54

the pair of the face and the voice you

25:56

just get to hear the sultry tones of our

25:59

voices that's right and me I've got

26:01

creepy eyes that's true well you have

26:03

beautiful eyes you get laid all the time

26:05

by the way listeners of this show I want

26:07

you to know Marcus parks pulls down more

26:08

tail than goddamn uh a monkey's mother a

26:12

monkey's mother thank you Thank You

26:14

Henry I mean that guy is sniffing war

26:16

but than a dog of the book at a park I

26:18

mean the item nut factory a Button

26:20

Factory Thank You Henry that man doing

26:22

good over here

26:23

this is the entire we are done that's

26:27

the whole thing I will say it is funny

26:29

every single there's an Aztec mythology

26:32

about the end times there's a Jewish

26:34

mythology about the end times be anybody

26:36

mythology about the end times human

26:39

beings like to put order on things that

26:41

are just technically supposed to be

26:44

chaos people want to see a storyline

26:46

they want to see a beginning and then it

26:49

Bram's up to a very specific ending and

26:52

it's just not going to be that way we

26:54

don't know how it's gonna I will say my

26:56

favorite so far is the Norse mythology

26:58

this is the Norse mythology the wolf oh

27:02

yes before the end of the world three

27:04

winters without summers in between will

27:06

out so basically Wisconsin or Alaska

27:08

they can't think about this every day

27:09

will happen in Midgard when is that it

27:12

said Edgard is uh by the way the Norse

27:15

name for Earth via the Norse name for

27:16

earth earth okay okay that was like a

27:18

month not on Midgard oh that's odd

27:21

that's us here yeah we got yeah we're on

27:23

Midgard right now and order will be lost

27:25

in the human world father's will fight

27:27

their sons which hey that happens every

27:29

single day have you even seen General

27:31

Hospital absolutely happens although

27:33

doctors fight nurses fought yep

27:36

chaos everywhere chaos reigns siblings

27:39

siblings will commit incest which is

27:41

like oh I hope I have a pretty pretty

27:44

sista mothers will seduce their children

27:48

well you're actually ordering pretty

27:50

well at this point you love your family

27:52

well I like my mom although I will say

27:54

this she is a believer by the way of the

27:57

mate oh yeah how did your mom react to

27:59

my plan reacted by saying I said mom or

28:01

do you believe in this myth and she said

28:03

oh well no I mean it's just it's fun

28:06

okay that's funny like how we look at

28:09

the movie Blues Brothers yeah exactly

28:11

look as around what you have to go and

28:12

have a 72 car pileup with a bunch of

28:14

please yeah that's a fun idea yeah me

28:16

fun yeah no but she and my mother fully

28:18

believes she has been planning since I

28:20

was a small child for the end of the

28:21

world which is not a good motivation for

28:24

your child to grow up in because I'm

28:26

like oh my actions have no where my

28:28

vacations the world's gonna end anyway

28:29

next thing you know we're turning a dead

28:31

letter Shopko and i'm sitting in prison

28:33

for the rest of my fucking life

28:35

brothers will tear at each other's

28:37

hearts when i sad me they just say mean

28:39

things to each other and Midgar will be

28:41

consumed by war it gets interesting here

28:43

the Wolves skull in Haiti will swallow

28:45

the Sun and Moon all right now that's

28:47

fucking sweet

28:48

those are some big wolves family Henry

28:50

is also a name of the UH this is it and

28:53

the great wolf in roles

28:54

Fenris very thin very freely

28:58

ofE NRI heir that's it son of Loki the

29:01

trickster god yeah he's an exact

29:04

Shepherd

29:05

yeah absolutely a good one to be good

29:07

Loki if Loki was real

29:09

make him be dak Shepherd like on Punk'd

29:13

right yeah it's like he's like an Ashton

29:15

Kutcher type we're in a trucker hat to

29:18

the side lanky cool just fun take it

29:23

over for Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half

29:25

Men check it on CBS starting this summer

29:28

the end times and of course so this Loki

29:31

the trickster guys gonna run loose and

29:32

kill Odin all the all-father who steps

29:35

in forth to fight him own son víðarr

29:37

by the way all these people sound like

29:38

they were related to Osama bin Laden

29:40

Odin son víðarr will avenge Odin by

29:42

tearing Fenris apart then Thor will

29:45

battle the may guards the Midgard

29:47

serpent which is fuckin awesome

29:49

the Midgard serpent is the serpent that

29:51

lives underneath the ocean that will one

29:53

day be released oh they know that the

29:55

Midgard serpent the Midgard sir

29:57

oh I always just called that Cthulhu

30:00

Tommy pants

30:01

Tommy Paine he lives under the ocean

30:03

Tommy Pan's the immeasurably large snake

30:07

this is gonna bring the end times yeah

30:08

what are they call him Tommy pants oh

30:10

yeah wears pants he's worth spent a good

30:12

it is a nickname that pants snake yeah

30:14

just uh just one leg mister one look at

30:16

it just more like a sleeve he's like a

30:19

sleeve he could win a bell John Bull won

30:20

the gong time of this live count me

30:23

pants just well okay I'll choose always

30:24

pocket hi ma'am you're making a good

30:26

point

30:26

so Midgard serpent and they slay him but

30:29

being slain himself the serpents

30:30

venomous fumes will fuck up everything

30:34

this is really specific I love it well

30:36

this is my favorite one I've ever read

30:37

many gods as well as more details that

30:40

are just awesome I'll get to him a

30:41

second yeah many gods as well as all men

30:42

and all women save to LIF save to so I

30:45

guess to people who live and this is LIF

30:47

and lift Thor's our well gets the name

30:50

of the people they're gonna live that's

30:51

kind of like your parents bill and Billy

30:53

is that right yeah get marry somebody

30:56

with a different name than you you weird

30:58

wanted to feel like you're masturbating

31:00

with your partner

31:03

Oh Billy if she acts with me and that's

31:05

in masturbating but you never know ah

31:07

well I come from odd stock oh yeah you

31:10

do inside that suit in the river gets us

31:13

shut now it's set it should get in the

31:17

river sorting the river it oh good

31:19

that's a different scent hey every time

31:21

you try to do an accent you is just do

31:23

it was continent that's the only one

31:24

that matters isn't it no I would say

31:27

that it is so they're gonna cheat yes so

31:31

this lift and lift char they get a

31:33

little shelter well it was their names

31:35

again whiff and with the roars or sure

31:39

let's rise the thrush whatever oh yeah

31:42

they get shelter from the branches of

31:44

yoga Doros will yoga doors will you go

31:47

down as well yeah and then I guess not

31:51

standard standard Icelandic stuff at a

31:54

car crash car okay excuse me Ike I could

31:57

you bring me the otter guys your car I

31:59

have a got a yard great I slammed it go

32:01

go you mean your jacket my ass huh oh

32:05

you want even my jacket that's my ass

32:07

landok I think that's a pretty good

32:08

accent uh the sky will fall into a pit

32:11

of flames in the earth will sink into

32:12

the same okay well here's where Loki

32:15

escapes from only thing how does the

32:16

earth sink into the sea of the earth is

32:18

the planet well I mean I think earth is

32:21

more just the ladies not make ours maybe

32:25

if you her sink into what we stand on

32:28

Midgard is the planet oh I thought

32:31

Mossad was um I I just thought that was

32:34

like America no man

32:36

well here's ol world around us Oh God

32:38

here's a where Loki was sprung from Odin

32:42

tied Loki

32:44

underneath the earth with snakes mm-hmm

32:47

and Loki's wife is compelled to put

32:50

together snake venom in a bowl fun and

32:55

then walk and pour it in the Loki's eyes

32:58

oh and whenever Loki thrashes from pain

33:00

that's where earthquakes come from

33:01

interesting watch it that's a lot more

33:04

sense than just like plate shifting yeah

33:08

you have salute legs it's a it's the

33:10

trickster god underneath getting his

33:11

eyes poured fucking snake venom

33:14

that bowling on his snake chains some

33:16

imagine did that to their son at some

33:18

point released shaking like an

33:20

earthquake and then someone's like

33:21

absolutely that's how earthquakes happen

33:23

yeah yeah time up with snakes that's

33:25

what I say I use rope don't use a rope

33:28

oh yeah using that ladder made out of

33:30

fucking stupid ropes how about you take

33:32

those ropes make them snakes then you go

33:35

like that adorable Horus mythology is

33:39

fucking great they have this Bible

33:41

called the poetic Edda which is all just

33:43

like these poems about you know Norse

33:45

mythology and all that funny as hell

33:46

it's so cool damn I love it I wish that

33:49

that was the church I went to yeah Norse

33:51

mythology is by far my favorite

33:52

mythology do they when do they still

33:55

like actively worship that a Ragnar I

33:59

know Ragnar like he I mean he did my

34:01

buddy recommend from Iceland yeah yeah

34:02

yeah he talks a lot I did I called

34:05

everyone on Iceland we had but it was

34:09

what happened to the Norse religion is

34:11

around 8 or 8 or 900 AD the Christians

34:15

came in the Christian missionaries came

34:17

in as they do destroyed the churches

34:20

burned down the trike burned down the

34:21

altars and all that was a scary Church

34:24

to walk into yeah well what they would

34:26

do is they would go to the villages over

34:27

on the shores and they would bury the

34:30

elders up to their necks right next to

34:33

the ocean and make all of the citizens

34:36

watch the tide come in and watch them

34:39

slowly drown to death and then say like

34:41

so who wants to be a Christian now it's

34:43

like everybody everybody it's like a

34:45

movie Creepshow yeah absolutely uh was

34:48

it Ted Danson it's advancing in that in

34:51

this wee seaweed monster yeah you know

34:54

what I'm saying I know what you're

34:55

talking about creature based on Norse

34:58

mythology yeah Ted Danson Cheers is also

35:01

based on North mythology that's a thing

35:03

is that Woody Harrelson is a Loki type

35:05

Rhea Perlman is like a real Perlman type

35:09

there's really nothing there is if you

35:11

can't copy the heavens eggs with DeVito

35:12

all day love

35:14

Anjanette I love imagining that but

35:17

that's exactly what the movie Black

35:18

Death is as well if then have you seen

35:21

the new film Black Death no I have it's

35:22

all about the plague and everybody of

35:24

course thinks the plague is caused

35:25

because no one prayed hard enough and

35:27

there's Horrors about yeah and so they

35:29

get to this land that the play doesn't

35:31

exist in by the way I'm gonna end I'm

35:33

gonna ruin the end of the movie for you

35:34

here oh well it's just going to happen

35:37

uh so they go to this place or ecologist

35:39

is them there's a witch about because

35:41

there's just one little place far out of

35:44

town that's just gorgeous and they're

35:46

prospering and everything's fantastic

35:47

yes so burn it to the ground well they

35:49

get there and they're like alright we're

35:51

gonna see and everyone's very very kind

35:53

and the witch is pulling stunts and

35:55

trying to pretending like she's bringing

35:56

people back to back there so they have

35:58

to denounce religion and to denounce

35:59

religion they all get put into this

36:00

little coupe and then they kill one of

36:03

them you know by tearing them apart with

36:05

the horses okay they got in quarter yeah

36:07

exactly you know just fantastically and

36:10

then uh but of course they did not do it

36:12

and then it turns out when the guy gets

36:14

torn apart by the horses she looks and

36:16

he she realizes that he has some sores

36:19

on his chest and he says it's the end

36:20

for all of us now we're all going to die

36:22

and he just gave him the plague the

36:24

whole point of the story is so simple

36:26

she wasn't a witch haha the only reason

36:29

the town was a safe was simply no one

36:32

had it it was isolated yeah so they just

36:34

brought the plague to him and it was a

36:36

gorgeous

36:36

look at--look it through time how many

36:39

times have people thought that the world

36:41

was just about to end that's happened a

36:43

bunch of time oh man been happening for

36:46

forever if my people realized that there

36:48

was more than just you like more than

36:51

just outside of your own head like

36:53

they've always imagined that it was just

36:55

about tan and I think it's just a mount

36:57

it I think what happens is everyone that

36:59

I know that thing's the world's gonna

37:00

end has never done anything with their

37:02

lives yeah yeah you know and I think

37:03

it's just a way to rationalize you not

37:06

needing it's like oh you're your riches

37:08

aren't here on earth you know this isn't

37:10

where the prize is but it's like this is

37:12

where the prize is able to get some

37:14

money and get a car so you can get that

37:17

chick with the sweet silicone tates and

37:19

be buried in it absolutely just like you

37:21

know you can't have fun you gotta study

37:23

that's the whole thing where people are

37:25

it is just what off everything that they

37:27

enjoy

37:28

into what they say they'll do in the

37:29

afterlife can you live this austere life

37:32

like that like any real loving God would

37:35

want you to do that you know which is

37:37

just I just refuse to believe it's true

37:38

can you imagine how cocky and

37:40

egotistical those meetings must have

37:42

been with all those made 21st Harold

37:43

Camping followers yeah all those people

37:46

you know we're trying to save them we're

37:47

giving them the pamphlets I put

37:49

billboards all over town there now

37:50

listen yeah well I'll tell you they're

37:52

gonna feel pretty bad on May 21st at 6

37:54

p.m. aren't they you know it's like

37:56

watching you man you don't know anything

37:58

can you can an 11th hour conversion of

38:02

Jesus get you raptured I how can you how

38:05

can i well also because the thing about

38:07

the when it actually would happen it

38:09

happened so quickly theoretically they

38:11

you wouldn't even have time no I put up

38:13

until then the days before you oh yeah

38:15

do you really just want people to just

38:17

jump on the jesus wagon that's why we'll

38:20

get raptured I just don't know how does

38:22

that work that's why Jeffrey Dahmer

38:24

every serial killer converts to

38:26

Christianity you know they all and they

38:28

all think that that saves them somehow

38:29

which is why I hate the religion pretty

38:31

much all of them it doesn't erase the

38:33

fact that you killed a mutilated 30

38:35

people it's like you're just as bad now

38:37

as you were then and they're so funny

38:39

because like Jesus forgave Mina so no

38:41

something worse other region of your

38:43

mind for games oh my how valid ating

38:45

everything that you did by saying at

38:47

some point you could just jump on the

38:49

salvation trains fine seems like you

38:51

should be living some sort of like

38:53

devoted life to God if you were allowed

38:56

to be on the fucking heaven bus get all

38:59

that yellow heaven elevator Janis Joplin

39:02

it's on the heaven bus maybe not maybe

39:07

not it maybe not yes yeah where

39:10

everyone's there alright well I guess

39:12

that's pretty much all for the end of

39:14

the world at this point I think we're

39:15

all gonna agree if we could go back in

39:17

time wish for one of these end of the

39:18

worlds into the North absolutely yeah

39:20

they got it right what would you do

39:22

real quick sum up your last day on earth

39:25

if you knew that oh my god I mean you

39:28

know probably just sleep in a little bit

39:30

take a shit - fuck take a shower yeah

39:33

absolutely that's for sure don't waste

39:35

your time I like a good shower though

39:36

yeah I mean you know you want to have

39:38

sex you want to have sex with that

39:39

person you've always wanna have sex with

39:41

so I think on the round

39:42

we were talking about rape just a lot of

39:44

that yeah and just pillage just go to

39:46

CVS and pillage yeah eat whatever you

39:48

want which is like CBS Cheetos which is

39:51

what I already do

39:52

right yeah pretty much just that yeah I

39:54

pretty much just do what you do every

39:55

day

39:56

yeah so that would be mine I mean how

39:58

about yourself I'll wake up eat a steak

40:01

you know he's naked I'm doing uh watch

40:03

ghostbusters probably watch Ghostbusters

40:06

at least once I hope you have enough

40:07

time I choose it okay I choose that time

40:10

um I'd watch that uh but I probably you

40:13

know do cocaine once Oh so many drugs I

40:16

don't do whatever I do every single drug

40:19

that I've every way for the really hard

40:20

stuff until the night time they'd still

40:24

want my penis to function right yeah

40:26

start texting away you know is there

40:29

text in his text say goodbay yeah hello

40:32

buy a new suit oh yeah you probably feel

40:36

on you soon get a big hat

40:37

I do love like these people that were

40:39

going out again all they did they max it

40:42

all don't grunting guards didn't they

40:44

just break like a cardinal rule of

40:46

gluttony yeah like you know like just

40:48

wasting your money is there entirely

40:50

wrong yeah does it matter they're just

40:52

completely totally wrong they're goofy

40:54

then I go to Six Flags Six Flags would

40:56

also be a lot of fun the last thing

40:57

which Six Flags though Jersey it's close

40:59

yeah I guess it would be the closest one

41:01

I want to go to Six Flags if I wasn't

41:02

getting abducted into the sky by some

41:05

random being no no lines on the rides

41:07

now it would be pretty fantastic pretty

41:09

fantastic I'd be feeling a lot of

41:10

balloons up with water in those squirt

41:12

gun competitions winning everyone yeah

41:14

what would you do uh just uh first of

41:18

all uh shit-ton ecstasy yeah like I'm

41:22

going out with a smile man a shit ton of

41:25

ecstasy I grab a couple of ladies but

41:28

probably just I could get one lady I

41:29

think I could get one lady uh and pretty

41:33

much I would say spend all day in bed uh

41:36

fuckin eatin and you know probably like

41:40

watching something like watching a movie

41:42

or something like that like maybe watch

41:43

a racer head what's the yeah that's

41:45

because I just chose the one movie I'd

41:47

want to watch Yeah right before I died

41:49

yeah I'd say but you know maybe a racer

41:51

head or uh airplane would also be really

41:55

my good one like egg like naked with the

41:57

girl fucking about every 15 minutes tear

42:01

an airplane on ecstasy it's gonna be so

42:03

hard to get on though in that week

42:04

before because I ever want to try on

42:06

weed yeah yeah yeah absolutely

42:09

well it'll be great deal great great

42:11

time for drug dealers that's for damn

42:12

sure

42:13

and that's what matters the most all

42:15

right has been last podcast on the left

42:16

for Henry Zebrowski Marcus Parks I am

42:18

Ben Kissel I'm very happy to have you

42:20

guys still listening the world is not

42:22

over

42:22

yeah oh let's pray that it doesn't

42:23

happen next week listen every time and

42:26

the world will not end that's correct so

42:28

we will listen we'll talk to you next

42:30

week

42:31

I am looking forward to it am I

42:38

[Music]